The Joy of Appreciative Living by Jacqueline Kelm

I'm sure it's clear by now that I've been significantly affected by non-fiction books designed to help increase happiness and quality of life.

The other books I've talked about so far are great for people who are already on a path of personal discovery and growth. While this book is helpful for those people also, it's the first one I recommend for someone who is suspicious of the concept of being able to make yourself happier or of having a gratitude process.

What makes this book different is that it takes a scientific approach. The author's studies have shown that people who actively participate in exercises to record what brings them joy have measurable increases in personal happiness. Those who continue to do the exercises have continued gains in happiness while those who stop have decreases in happiness.

I can tell my story over and over. I can talk about my own experiences until I'm blue in the face. But if someone doesn't get it, they don't get it. This book is full of cases studies and testimonials from participants who were admittedly unhappy and experienced a great difference after participating in the author's study. The straightforward presentation of the data is undeniable. The steps are explained clearly and the 28 Day Plan is completely manageable.

I like this book because it's different from others in the genre. It's not super "touchy feely." When life gets overwhelming, I can lose interest in the "fun" techniques that make me feel better and this book reminds me that I do have the ability to boost my happiness in a simple way.

Gratitude In Review

Yesterday was the final day of my Gratitude Project. I'm proud to report that I succeeded in posting a FaceBook status every day in November to list three things I was feeling thankful for. As a strong believer in the power of positive thinking, I jumped into the challenge looking to strengthen my own gratitude practice and hopefully inspire others to do the same. Initially I found the project easy and fun.  I posted my list each evening as I reflected on my day. I challenged myself to ignore negative things that had happened and find the silver lining when I encountered an undesirable situation. And then I got sick...

I am not one of those stoic people who can continue on when they're sick without disruption of daily life. I am not a pleasant sick person. I try to be, but I can never pull it off. Instead, I'm a weepy pouty sick person who shuffles around wearing a bathrobe all hours of the day, leaving a trail of damp snotty tissues. It's been more than two weeks since I first felt the inklings of what I thought was a head cold but turned out to be a sinus infection, which turned into bronchitis. For more than half the month, when I was supposed to be focusing on feeling good and thankful, I felt like crap and I was grumpy! At first I tried to power through. I truly tried. I had to leave a roller derby practice when I got nauseous after skating a few laps despite feeling dizzy. I went to a football watching party and a game night (in the same day) even though my ears crackled and felt like they might burst. I took NyQuil and DayQuil and rested for a few days, but I kept getting worse. After witnessing a violent coughing spell that forced up my breakfast, my usually mellow boyfriend approached me with a stern look on his face and convinced me it was time to go to the doctor. So I went. That was Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, the same day his parents and two siblings arrived at our house for the holiday.

Each day I managed to find three things I was grateful for but I'll admit there were a few days there that were rough. There were a few nights when I spent a long time staring at my bright white FaceBook page, logged on much later than usual, racking my brain to come up with positive things to list. I struggled to get through a couple days with company in my house, trying to not be a miserable bitch. On Thanksgiving Day I found my puppy chewing on a prescription medicine capsule belonging to one of our guests. I lost my cool and dropped a couple of f-bombs on my in-law family. I'm not proud of it and I tearfully apologized, but that's when I realized I was maxed out. After everyone left the next day, I put on yoga pants with a sweatshirt and parked myself on the couch, getting up only to eat turkey and cranberry sandwiches and pie. Yet I still made that post each and every day. I knew that even though it felt like everything had gone to crap, I really did have a lot to be thankful for, like having leftovers so I didn't have to cook and having people who love me even when I'm not at my best!

As I've mentioned before, there's been some negative feedback to the gratitude movement on FaceBook this month. Fortunately, the responses I've gotten personally have been nothing but positive. Just yesterday I received a message from an acquaintance that re-newed my faith in myself, that I had lost while feeling low. She agreed that I could share her note here:

"Hi, I know we never got to know each other much but I wanted to thank you for sharing your work and positive affirmation with your coach. I have struggled my whole life with negative thoughts and need to concentrate on happiness. If you have any advice I would appreciate your input on how to do it. I need to retrain my brain... Lol. Thank YOU for putting yourself out there."

Isn't that beautiful? I responded and let her know I thought it was. I took on this Gratitude Project hoping to inspire others and look, I did it! It made me stop and think about the past couple weeks in a different way. One of the things I work with most with my life coach is not being so hard on myself, especially when it comes to making mistakes. She taught me one of my favorite mantras "Nothing is good or bad, it just is." I've been beating myself up for pushing myself when I felt so sick, for not being able to keep my cool. There's nothing I can do about it now but forgive myself and learn from my experience. Looking at those words written down, it seems so much simpler than it is in my head!

I'm finally starting to feel like myself again, even though my bronchitis symptoms still linger. The house is back to normal after having guests, the dining room table takes up less space without the leaf and dogs have taken back their spots on the couch. The holiday didn't go perfectly but then again nothing ever really does. We just expect it to and then feel disappointed when it doesn't. I've learned a lot this month, about some of my FaceBook friends and about myself. Today marks the start of the final month of the year. It's a time I typically spend reflecting on the year that's past and planning for the one to come. But this year my goal is to stay in the present, to continue to look for things in each day to be grateful for.

Gratitude Project

For the past two years, I have posted FaceBook statuses throughout November to mention at least one thing I was thankful for that day. I'd seen other people do it and thought it was a lovely idea. Last year in particular, I received a lot of feedback from friends who enjoyed seeing my posts and some who were inspired to do the same. This year one of my friends, who is also a writer/blogger, took it one step further by inviting her friends and readers to join her in what she is calling a Gratitude Project. I love that name, by the way. She has challenged us all to post three positive things each day. She is posting to both her blog and her personal FaceBook page. It brought me joy to see her suggestion, to have a friend who obviously values a gratitude practice as much as I do so I've committed to join her by posting to my personal page as well.

Among my 400+ FaceBook friends, there is a mix of optimists and pessimists, along with a few fairly apathetic souls. Everyone seems to have a different view of what FaceBook is for and how it serves them. Sadly, I think I'm in the minority when I say that I find FaceBook to be useful and beneficial, although I will admit it can also be a huge time suck. I have quite a few friends on there who are a real part of my personal support system, even if they live far away and/or I haven't seen them in fifteen years. The older I get, the more I appreciate the people I know who grew up in the same area I did. We may be scattered all over the world and be different types of people, but we all started in the same place and I think that's a special thing to share. What I'm trying to say is I have lots of types of people as FaceBook friends so I'm curious to see who joins the Gratitude Project.

Since I won't be blogging every day this month, I thought I'd share a list of some of the things I am feeling most grateful for in my life right now:

         Having a supportive partner who "gets me"

         My dogs

         My life coach

         Books

         My above mentioned friends/support system.

         All the time I get to spend writing

         Good food

         Running

         That everyone I love is healthy

         The fact that I've recently been learning about my family history and tracing my ancestry

         Playing roller derby and having amazing women as teammates.
       

Of course there are many more things that make me happy but these are the ones that come to mind that have been making my life awesome lately.

To everyone reading this, I challenge you to take time this month (and every month!) to think about what you're truly grateful for and make a list. Even if you don't want to share it with anyone, write it down and look at it every once in a while. I've found this to be helpful on a crappy day when it feels like everything is going wrong. I can just flip through my notebook and see how much good stuff can be packed into a "bad" day: a nice bottle of wine, seeing a rainbow, catching every traffic light green. If you want to share your list, I encourage you to do so here or on my friend's blog or on your own FaceBook page. I promise you that people will notice your positive way of looking at things and they will appreciate it!
       

G is for Gratitude

Several years ago, I was living in a basement apartment in the home of a lady I’ll call Annie. She was single and about a dozen years older than me. Whenever I saw her in passing, I’d ask “How are you today Annie?” and she’d always answer with “Oh I’m grateful”.  After a while, it was like 'oh come on, nobody is grateful ALL THE TIME', but as I got to know her I came to realize it was true. She was always calm and pleasant, able to see the positive side of whatever I was griping about. One evening over glasses of wine, I was voicing my frustrations over my current romantic situation. I exhaled an exasperated “Why does this keep happening to me?” to which Annie replied “It’s because you keep allowing it to happen”. I said “Huh?” She lent me a copy of The Secret on DVD and I put off watching it because I thought the whole thing sounded hokey. I finally watched it one night when I was home bored and my life has never been the same since. I’ll admit the presentation is cheesy but the content is solid. There are some interesting, charismatic speakers and by the end, I was practically standing up cheering for myself and the great changes I was about to make! A few months later, I went through a bizarre, messy relationship/break up and that’s when it occurred to me that situations such as this were happening for me and not just to me. My heart was broken and my world was upside down for a short time but I was still standing and I still lived in a beautiful place. Eventually I was able see all the good things that came out of the experience and look back on that time in my life as a transformation phase. It’s when I started to see how much there really is to be grateful for in each day. I started by writing in my journal at the end of each day and listing three things I was thankful for right then. If you've never done something similar, I suggest you give it a try. I moved out of that apartment that same year. It was time to move on for several different reasons. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that Annie crossed my path so that I could finally learn what The Universe had been trying to teach me.