Enough

So here we are two weeks into the new year. What have you been up to?

I haven't worked a single day in 2014. Not since before Christmas, actually. I'm not thrilled about that but the funny thing is,  I'm not stressing out about it. My temp agency assures me that this is a slow time of year and that I'll have plenty options for work soon. Sure, I'd like to be making some money but I have faith that things will turn around and that I'm being given this time at home for a reason. I'm trying to take advantage of this opportunity by doing things I don't always have time for when I'm working regularly, like cleaning out closets, writing as much as I can, reading and sleeping in.

I know this time would be a bit tougher on me if I wasn't currently participating in The Year of Enough this month. Each week day I get an email that contains a link to an audio interview with a self help "guru" and a challenge for the day, like meditating for three minutes or writing a letter to myself. All the interviews focus on the fact that we are all enough and have enough, just as we are. These interviews apply the concept to every aspect of life, from finances to career to diet, etc. What I've loved about the interviews is that so far the speakers all have had one thing in common: At some point, each one was struggling in life and had an "awakening" (or whatever you want to call it) when they said "Okay, something needs to change here" and they made it happen. I've done that! And no matter what the subject or how it's presented, the core message is consistent: you have to take care of yourself and make decisions that are true to yourself. I think that sounds a lot easier than it is in real life, but it means making sure you eat right, get enough sleep, exercise and have a support system. Even though I already "know" those things, it has done me an immeasurable amount of good to hear it over and over again each day. I usually listen to the interview in the evening, while drinking a cup of tea, as a part of decompressing from my day. As I listen, I take notes. I'm such a nerd. I can't tell you how many times I've spoken out loud, responding to the speaker! The Year of Enough also includes access to a special FaceBook group for participants. Each day, there's discussion of the interview or posts from folks who simply have something they want to share or get feedback on. It's been a great to see people from all walks of life who can say to each other "I've been there and here's what worked for me".  It's renewed my faith in humanity, to see all these people connecting and supporting each other. It's been a huge boost for me to know that all these people are out there, sharing the world with me!

In other January news, I'm proud to report that I've stuck to my New Year's Resolutions so far! The first two weeks of 2014 have been pretty calm and positive for me. I haven't had any fast food or soda and I've survived my return to a new roller derby season. I have everything I need. I bet you do too! But we don't always believe that do we? I can't figure out why that is. I know two weeks isn't very much time and I might be getting ahead of myself by thinking I can maintain this attitude all year long. Or maybe not!

I Feel Better Already

This week, I've realized that January is my favorite month of the year. It has nothing to do with winter. While I do enjoy some things about winter, it's not my favorite season. The reason I like this month best is because it is so calm. No major holidays, no reason for travel, no deadlines. Yesterday I mailed a package at the post office and I was the only customer in sight. I went to the grocery store and didn't bump into another shopper or cart the entire time I was there! None of the items I wanted were out of stock and I didn't have to wait in line to check out! My mail is being delivered around noon again, instead of 3-4pm. My world feels wonderfully mellow.

The ramp up to the holiday season is gradual, starting just before Thanksgiving, so that by the time Christmas arrives everyone is whipped into a frenzy and they don't even realize it. Yes, I know that Christmas falls on December 25th every year but for some reason the 15th rolls around and I'm always saying "Holy crap, how is is the middle of December already?! I have so much to do!!" I enjoyed my Christmas holiday and time with my family but I was quite glad to get back home at the end of the week.

January just feels good, doesn't it? A brand new year! It's always exciting. There's all that possibility ahead of us. It's much easier for me to make a resolution and stick to it at the start of a new year. I could say "Okay, I'm not eating any more fast food" in the middle of July but the next time I got to craving a McDonald's cheeseburger I'd be able to talk myself out of it, "Oh, I had one last week so I'll have one more today and then I'll stop eating it". I'm just not good at holding myself accountable. But when I set a deadline for myself as in "No more ________ in the new year", it's a lot easier. I don't know why, but it is. I've made a couple resolutions for 2014 but mostly I just have a list of goals for the year. Things that aren't quite as concrete as my previous example. I'm looking forward to changing my habits, becoming healthier and stronger and loving myself.

One of my personal traditions is to eat pork and sauerkraut on New Year's Day. It's one I picked up growing up in Pennsylvania Dutch country and it's supposed to bring good luck for the coming year. As I was mashing potatoes to go with dinner on Wednesday, I was acutely overcome with a sense of gratitude: It's officially a new year and here I am in a lovely house with an amazing partner who indulges my superstition and eats this meal with me. It occurred to me that 2013 is the last year I had with my sweet dog Ritz and now it's over and I cried a little over the pot of potatoes. He was important to me and I don't want him to be forgotten. I actually felt guilty for being glad that year is over. But isn't that one of the greatest gifts a new year gives us? A chance to move forward with an official starting line? So I wiped me tears on my sleeve and ate my delicious meal. One of my goals is to worry less about the past and future, and to experience the present moment to the fullest. Here was a perfect opportunity on the very first day of the year!

I know that the start of 2014 isn't an automatic end to my troubles. The things that happened in 2013 haven't unhappened. I'm sure that a year from now I'll be relieved to have another new year ahead of me. But for now I'm going to enjoy these calm, quiet January days because I know they won't last forever! My roller derby team's hiatus ends next week so I'll be busy, but that's another opportunity to put my resolutions and goals into action. I resolve to not eat fast food or drink soda. I will not make assumptions or take things personally. I will avoid processed foods and gossip. I will not panic or use my iphone while engaged in conversation with others.

I wish all of you a happy 2014 and success with any resolutions or goals you have. Please feel free to share them with me, either here or privately. I would love to strengthen my support system (and yours)!

Resolutions

            We’re now five days into the New Year and I’m happy to say I’ve been sticking to my resolutions with relative ease. I made three resolutions for 2013:

1)    Write daily

2)    Meditate regularly

3)    Be kind to myself

These are personal goals I’ve had for a while but have had trouble sticking with for one reason or another. I figured a brand new year was a perfect time to change my habits. I spent the last couple weeks of December thinking about my goals and ways to go about meeting them and I feel The Universe has given me some hints that I’m headed in the right direction.

On New Year’s Day, I was in the mall (working on #3) when I came across a video game for my Xbox Kinect called “Deepak Chopra’s LEELA: mind, body, spirit, play”. At first glance it seemed cheesy (a meditation game? How is that even a thing?) but it was cheap and I decided to give it a try. I’ve played it a little each day and so far it seems neat. I haven’t had a change to unlock all the features but it provides me with time and space to settle my mind and that’s what I needed most.

Later that same afternoon I was  browsing in a bookstore. I wasn’t even looking for a writing book when I saw A Writer’s Book of Days by Judy Reeves and knew I had stumbled across something big. I’ve been looking for something similar for a long time and had even bought a couple other writing books but hadn’t found one that felt like the right fit. The book is a writing coach of sorts, providing advice, information and suggestions on how to make writing a priority in your life. What I thought was so great is that it is designed to give a year’s worth of guidance with one chapter for each month, breaking the information down into catergories and most important to me, it gives daily writing prompts that already have me writing about things outside of my normal comfort zone.

My third resolution is the hardest. The first two are straight forward, physical actions but being kind to yourself? Most people probably think they already do that. I know I thought I was. About half way through 2012, I started seeing a life coach and so far this one of the biggest realizations I’ve had during our work together. It’s interesting because I consider myself a kind person. I’m thoughtful and compassionate when it comes to other people and to animals but it seems I’m also pretty good at beating myself up. I’m starting to see how much time I’ve wasted “shoulding myself”, as I like to call it. I should keep my house clear, I should work out more, weigh less, be better at roller skating. I can’t even imagine how much time I’ve spent dwelling on just those issues alone, then add in my worries about my job, relationships, finances, etc.  I’m never doing exactly what I think I should be and it’s exhausting- no wonder I’m so tired all the time! Becoming aware of this has been a huge breakthrough for me and becoming aware is a first step to initiating change but after spending thirty-some years in a specific pattern, it’s though to know where to start to be different.

So I guess maybe that’s the sum of all my resolutions for this year: to work on being different, changing my patterns. I’ve already started and noticing change is the biggest motivator for making more. Because it’s really a big process and I’m proud of the fact that I’m even doing it.