E is for Expectations

Rainbow after a hail storm June 2011

Though we're only four months into 2015, if I had to choose one lesson I've learned this year it would be this: Expectations are bullshit.

I'm a planner. I want to know what's going to happen and when. I want to think things through so I can be prepared for potential outcomes. I'm so focused on what I think is going to happen that I don't see what comes out of left field until it's too late. I don't know how to stop having any expectations at all. My brain seems to do it automatically. I've worked hard over the past few years to change these patterns in my life. I've realized that expectation sets me up for disappointment and often prevents me from missing out on the excitement of anticipation and the joy of the moment. What I try to do now is recognize that I have expectations but not hold on to them quite so tightly.

When I left for my adventure in January, I said I didn't have any expectations but I was lying, although not consciously. I had a lot of thoughts about what I thought would happen and what should happen. Some of those thoughts were accurate but many of them were not. I certainly didn't expect that I'd be home two months later but that's where I ended up and I'm grateful for that.

I think it's impossible to not have expectations; of ourselves, of others, of an event we're planning to attend. So how does one let go of them? I don't have an answer for that so I'd love to hear how other people face this struggle!

U is for Unexpected

I have several tattoos and some of them are fairly large. When I'm fully dressed, none of them are visible but in warm weather, they peek out from short sleeve tops, capri pants and sandals. There have been countless times when someone first learns that I have tattoos and says something along the lines of "I would have never expected you to have tattoos!"I used to be highly offended when this happened, taking it as an insult. I've never understood what it means. Even when I've asked, no one ever had a decent explanation for what they were trying to say. Many people seem to have preconceived notions about what a person with tattoos looks and acts like and I guess I don't fit that mold.

I recently told a co-worker about my desire to go to taxidermy school soon. The response was similar:
"Wow! I never would have expected that from you!" And that's when I got to thinking that I like being "different" and presenting people with the unexpected. Perhaps I'm giving people a gift by shattering their expectations. If everything happened just as we expected, life would be boring. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a planner and I like to know what's coming and try to prepare for it, but life doesn't always give me what I'm expecting either and sometimes I'm glad for that.