N is for Numbers: The Five Love Languages and The Four Agreements

I couldn't choose between the three books I had listed for F so I figured out a way to use them all!

I'm a list maker. I like outlines and guidelines. These two books appealed to me, and provided me with guidance and support, because they are in a format I enjoy.

The Four Agreements is another of the books I buy when I encounter a used copy, to pass on later to someone in need. This book provides a brief, concise plan for living a true, honest life. These are four complicated concepts summarized in simple language which helps it sink it.

"Don't take anything personally" is one of the greatest pieces of advice I've ever received, from a counselor several years ago.  It took me a while to wrap my brain around the concept, but once I did it blew the doors off my perceptions of the world. Reading The Four Agreements helped drive the idea home. Combined with the other three Agreements: Be Impeccable With Your Word, Don't Make Assumptions, and Always Do Your Best, this little book provides a code of conduct that makes sense and helps you to feel good about the way you're living.

 The 5 Love Languages had been suggested to me several times before I finally got around to buying a copy. I was suspicious of a "secret to love that lasts."

"It's up front with the best sellers," directed the sullen clerk at Barnes & Noble, with a non-verbal Duh. "Everybody has read this book," he added, presumably to make it quite clear to me that I was behind the times.

That clerk was right, I definitely wish I had read this book sooner! It clicked with me immediately and my then boyfriend, now husband read it as well. We both took the quiz in the back and compared our answers. I can't say this automatically solved all over our "issues" and assured us every lasting love. However, I can say without a doubt that this book was an important tool in the process of us
healing from said "issues," understanding each other better, and communicating clearly.

Yes, this book and quiz has helped me better understand my partner, but almost more importantly, I learned my own love languages. This book gave me permission to acknowledge that I am a physical person. It helped me understand it's okay for me to crave physical affection (romantic and non) and that having a sexual nature isn't a negative thing itself, but the ways that I handle it which can be.



Both of these books have played crucial roles in improving my quality of life. They are part of my library which I refer to in times of need.

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

Do you believe you would be happier if you made more money or drove a nicer car? Really truly happier? Or would you be happier if you could find your keys every time you wanted to leave the house and had a convenient place to hang our coat when you got home?

These are the questions that Gretchen Rubin addresses in her Happiness Project books. What I love so much about her approach is that she doesn't suggest one needs to take drastic measures to improve happiness. In fact, she isn't even suggesting what you do. She's simply sharing her journey - what works and what doesn't - and it never comes across as pretentious or unrealistic.

I read The Happiness Project when I was in the early stages of trying to figure out how to improve my quality of life. Sure, everyone says they want to be happier but what does that mean?

Gretchen Rubin shows how it means taking a look at the "little things" in our every day lives. Identify what brings you joy and do more of that! Identify what makes you miserable and do less of that! Happiness is something different for each person. Where people often struggle is when we compare our lives to others and try to mimic someone else's happiness.

Gretchen's second book, Happier at Home, resonated with me even more than her first. She recognizes that she is a home body and loves to spend her time in her home, with her family, and so she focuses on how to make it a happier place for all of them.

I guess these are considered self help books but the author never says "This is what you should do." Instead, she says "This is what I did, now make it your own." I appreciate the honesty of her writing. Just because she's studying happiness doesn't mean she's happy all the time or that all her projects always turn out well.

These books have motivated me to make changes in my life that have been fun and helpful!

P is for Priorities

One afternoon this winter, I was soaking in my hot tub with my finance's niece and nephew. At the time they had been living in Montana less than six months, after spending all of their lives growing up in Boston. As the eight year old girl bobbed around amid the jets, she surveyed our back yard and sighed "Wow, this is nice. It's like you guys are rich." I didn't want her to perpetuate that misconception. I realize she isn't used to visiting people who own homes and have back yards. "Well, " I began gently, "This is called having priorities. You spend your money on the things that are most important to you. We have a hot tub but we don't have fancy cars or expensive furniture." Her 11 year old brother nodded his head enthusiastically, to indicate he was familiar with this concept. She tilted her head to the side as she tried to understand. "But you still have a really nice car!" she exclaimed. I had to admit that yes, to her and I, my 2008 Volkswagen Rabbit is a "nice car" but as far as price and luxury go, it's fairly low on the list.

It's a difficult concept to explain and I'm not sure I should expect an 8 year old to understand it when I know plenty of adults who don't! Priorities is a subjective term too. My priorities are constantly shifting and dynamic. Sure, there are a top few: spouse, self, family, work, pets, home but even those can change from day to day. And sometimes something pops up that needs to take priority for a short time, like planning a wedding, and everything else gets rearranged for a while!

The life lesson I've learned here is that it's important to re-evaluate your priorities from time to time. AND, it's okay to have some on your list that are unique to you, like our hot tub! I don't believe there's one thing that should always be the number one priority in life. Not every single second of every day. Any one who thinks otherwise is not realistic.

So take some time to look at your priorities and make sure you're on the list!

Mimosas in the hot tub