Q is for Quitting

I'm going to cut right to the chase for today's lesson: If you hate your job, you should quit it.

I've experienced this lesson first hand. I've seen what happens when I stay too long at a job (The Universe forces a change) and I've also seen what it's like to finally quit a job that's been crushing my soul for years.

Now, I know all the reasons you say you can't quit your job. I even know that some of the reasons you stay at a job you hate are legit. But this is where Saturday's post about priorities comes in handy. You can get another job. You might not make as much money or have the same schedule but contrary to popular belief, there are other jobs out there.

I've been told that some of my life lessons are "easier said that done." I'll agree this is another one that falls into that category. But guess what? Life is hard.

I think quitting gets a bad rap. I'm not just talking about jobs. When I retired from roller derby last year, I struggled with the fact that I was quitting. We're conditioned to think that quitting means we're a loser, weak, scared, that it's always a bad thing. The truth is sometimes it's time to quit.

I've done my fair share of quitting. I've quit jobs, hobbies, relationships. It can be difficult to stand up and say "Okay, I'm all done here," but it almost always comes with a rush of relief. Getting that proverbial weight off my chest in knowing that I'm doing the right thing.

I'm not saying quit anything at the first inkling of discomfort. I played derby for over two years and I can't even count how many times I thought of quitting before I finally did. The same with my soul sucking job. The older I get, the shorter that time frame gets where I'll tolerate feeling bad. But it's still exists. I'll wait it out to make sure quitting definitely feels right.

Our society floods us with motivational posters telling us to never give up, never quit, keep going, etc. And yes, there's a time and place for pushing yourself and persevering. Maybe at the gym but not in a work place.

N is for No

I was raised to be accommodating. If someone asks you to do something, you do it. If you commit to something, you follow through. Putting oneself first is viewed as selfish. As I got older, the world reinforced these tendencies in me. People who recognized my tendency to put others before myself took full advantage of me. 

Any time I was asked to cover an extra shift at work, I'd do it. If a boyfriend disregarded my interests, I'd let it happen. I took on other's demands and expectations without much thought about how they affected me. I just wanted everyone to be happy and like me. 

By the time I reached my thirties, I was exhausted and resentful. 

When I started seeing my life coach, one of the first things she said to me was it seemed like I had too many burners going on the stove and needed to choose one to turn off. What? No way! Work, home, partner, hobbies, family, pets. How could any of those be turned off? My coach helped me see that there wasn't a burner labeled as self. Because I wasn't putting any energy into treating myself well, I was doing a lousy job of maintaining all those other hot burners. 

One of the most important skills I've learned as an adult is how to set boundaries. It can be uncomfortable at first, if you aren't used to doing it. Even now, I occasionally struggle with feeling guilt, as if I'm letting others down by speaking up for myself. But actually I'm doing us both a favor!

Boundaries aren't always fun!

Learning that it's okay to say no was a HUGE life lesson for me. Sometimes people in my life don't understand. They aren't used to hearing "no" and don't say it often themselves. Sitting down with a boss or a boyfriend and saying "This isn't working for me" takes a lot of guts. Trust me, I've done both and it sucked. It's a big step, to recognize when it's time to say no and when the response is negative or the person lashes out, it can make a tough situation even worse. 

Fearing another's response to no isn't a reason to accommodate him/her. In fact, you're doing each other a huge disservice if you don't speak up. You can trust me on this one too because I've been there as well! 

I like to use the example of airplane emergency procedures when it comes to self care: Secure your own oxygen mask before you begin to assist others with theirs. 

Taking care of myself first doesn't mean I'm selfish. It means I value myself and my loved ones enough to know when I'm on the verge of becoming overextended. I was spread thin for far too long and that me isn't nearly as healthy and positive as the me that takes time our for herself!

If you're feeling pulled in too many different directions, I challenge you to say no to something. Say it nicely and with kindness but say it. I promise you will be glad you did!

Bison without boundaries in Gardiner, MT