Some Thoughts On Tragedy

I sat up with a gasp a 2 o'clock this morning, in the middle of a dream about a high school classmate of mine who was in a horrific car accident earlier this week and is still hospitalized with severe injuries.

I woke from that dream sweaty, with a racing heart. I turned on my bedside lamp and leaned back against my pillows, attempting to get my bearings. I looked around my dim bedroom, at my dogs sprawled out around my feet, my husband curled up beside me sound asleep, and I thought How lucky am I?

I know that sounds cliche but there's a reason cliches exist, because they're relatable and generally true.

On one hand, I think How can I go about my day laughing and working when such suffering is happening to people I know? and then I think How can I not? That's my duty right now. There's nothing else I can do. I think of them and send positive vibes their way and then I go on living. I am overflowing with empathy and gratitude today.

One of the most beautiful yet frustrating things about being human is that the world doesn't stop turning when crisis befalls us. I have gone through experiences (grief, illness, divorce) where I've  wondered how in the hell everyone else was acting so normal. As I get older, I realize that they had to, just as I have to now. That doesn't mean I'm not acknowledging others' tragedies and creating space for them.

Hug your loved ones today, hug your dogs, hug yourself. Wave to the other drivers on the road and send them thanks for paying attention and not causing an accident. Do those things every day.

So often we travel around through our days without realizing how connected we all are, how much our lives are in the hands of the strangers around us. Saturday afternoon I was in Wal-Mart (I know, what was I thinking?!) when there was a sudden sharp BANG. I grabbed my husband's arm and hid my face in his chest. I thought it was most certainly a gunshot. I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for another bang or a scream. It turns out that a child had popped one of those large bright rubber balls and everyone was okay. But look at how everyone in that store could have had their life change in less than a second. Those things happen.

I wasn't able to get much sleep after my 2am wake up. I tried to distract myself with a book but I'm currently reading a sci-fi novel about a man who died and unbeknownst to his wife, had arranged to have his head cryogenically frozen so he can live forever in the future. The poor widow is fighting to get back her husband's head. Needless to say, that didn't take my mind off the tragic thoughts it was holding onto! It's a good book though!

As I made my To Do List this morning and drank my spinach smoothie, the thoughts that made up this post came to me. I felt compelled to write them down before they slipped away, and share them with the world. Why? Because I can. I have this day and I don't want to waste it. See? A cliche again, but so true.

K is for Kindness

As I began to embrace a gratitude practice, I noticed a shift taking place in my life. From that point forward, my sharp edges began to soften. The protective shell I'd built around myself my entire life began to fade. This process has taken years, and is still happening but it started when I began to face the world each day with gratitude and kindness.

It turns out that if you're miserable in your life and a bitch to be around, you tend to attract other miserables bitches and you all wallow together in your wretchedness. I am grateful for the friends I have who supported and tolerated me when I was at my lowest and helped to guide me out of my distress. Receiving kindness and choosing to separate myself from people whose energy I didn't want to share any longer (or having The Universe force that separation,) allowed me to start from the ground up, so to speak. I was able to rebuild my life with a foundation of my own choosing.

My life lesson here is that kindness is a cycle; you dole it out, it makes the receiver feel good, they dole more out and so on until you are the receiver and the circle continues.

I've spent the majority of my adult life working with the public, mostly in the field of veterinary medicine. If you've ever worked with the public, you know some days just suck, no matter what you do. And when there's a full moon? Forget about normal. Crazy stuff happens then! Over the years, I came to realize that people tend to act out when they are upset. A client who is rude to me about their bill is most likely distraught about their beloved pet, facing financial hardships or any combination of the emotions and challenges in life. I've witnessed first hand how being kind to a rude person will disarm him. He'll tilt his head or take a step back as if he's thinking "Oh, I'm not going to get a fight here so I guess I'll be nice!" I do believe that some people simply like to complain. They call or come in looking for an argument. When they don't get one, they don't know what to do so they retreat. Although occasionally a person will continue to lash out and there's nothing I can do to help. I just smile and say "Thank you, have a nice day!" These situations are challenging. I cannot say I'm always able to keep my cool. Every once in a while there's a person who is just down right out of line.

Plato said "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." I can't think of a better way to advocate for kindness. You never know the stories of the people you pass each day. Think about your worst struggle and imagine a stranger facing it, then give that person the treatment you would have wanted when you were struggling.

My boyfriend taking a photo for strangers in NYC Aug. 2010