Ah ha!

There are few things in life I treasure as much as a great "Ah ha!" moment. The older I get, the more of them I seem to have. When I've been struggling with something for a long time and then suddenly the answer is in front of my face as plain as day, I used to beat myself up asking "Why didn't I think of that sooner?!" but I've learned to be grateful for that moment. I know that things align themselves when I'm ready, whether I realize it or not.

At the beginning of my most recent session with my life coach, she asked me how I've been feeling lately, meaning since the recent death of my dog. I said that at first I had good days and bad days, then a good week or two followed by a bad one. Last week was really good, this week not so much. I gave her more details and it wasn't until later in the conversation when I repeated that I was having a bad day that she stopped me. "What you're doing is labeling your whole day", she explained. "None of it's bad. None of it's good. It just is." I was quiet for a moment, then I said "Huh. That makes a lot of sense" and I scribbled it into my little notebook. I went through my day repeating that line in my head and feeling pretty mellow. Later that night while reflecting on the events of that session, I realized what an impact that sentence had on me. That was my ah ha moment. With all the progress I've made in my life, I still spend a lot energy worrying about following the rules, being on time, doing what I "should". I try to balance that out with taking care of myself and doing what I feel like doing. Maybe if I stop labeling everything as good or bad, it will ease some of that pressure I feel. I don't need to do chores in the afternoon to even out the fun I had while out of the house in the morning. They're all just things that I get to do, all part of my full days that I am very fortunate to have.

I've been waiting for myself to feel "better" since my loss. I now see that's an unrealistic expectation to put on myself. I just feel what I feel. There's a sense of relief that comes with this ah ha moment, with this potential for a new mind set. It's exciting, like I have the power to make a change that could  be a major one for me. I know I can't make a change like this overnight but I can sense that it's already begun and I look forward to what it brings.