I Did It (Again!): A to Z Challenge 2016 Reflection

 

Last month's A to Z Blogging Challenge was the fourth I've completed. It was also by far the easiest. I'm not sure if that's due to the subject matter or the fact that I write more now than I ever have before. Either way, I thoroughly enjoyed it!

One thing I've gotten better with over time as a writer, especially with all the experience of these A to Z Challenges, is to let go of expectations. I've also learned to trust myself. So tomorrow is the day for letter X and I have nothing written? No big deal. I've got ideas and I know something will come of it before the day is done.

When I chose to write about "Books that have been significant to me," I figured that would translate to "My favorite books," but that wasn't the case. Sure, some of the books I wrote about were my all time favorites, but when I looked at my list of titles, I realized the books that packed a punch for me in my life weren't exactly fun easy reads.

When I chose to write about Under the Banner of Heaven, I was a little self conscious. Here in The West, Mormonism can be a touchy subject. Plus, the book's main story is gruesome. Did I really want to confess to loving this book? I followed my gut and went with it. Two days after that post went up, I received a message from a friend who knows the author and she got my book signed for me!

 

It was positive reinforcement, proving that following my intuition and putting myself out there has rewards. For all the times I put myself out there and no one notices or comments and for all the times I take a risk and fall flat on my face, here was an instance of being noticed and that felt wonderful!

The friend who introduced me to this challenge is also a writer. I've known her since elementary school. After we reconnected through Facebook, we've become pretty good pals again and participate in an online book club, even swapping books through the mail. I invited her to choose the same theme as I did, and so we both wrote about the books that have influenced our lives as writers and as human beings in general. I loved comparing our posts each day. We have very different writing styles and reading preferences yet we overlap from time to time and it's fun to see. We didn't double up on any books but were close on two. She chose On Writing by Stephen King for O, which I almost chose. Then I wrote about Watership Down by Richard Adams for W and she had almost chose that one as well!

All in all this was a fantastic year for me for the A to Z Challenge. I've encountered quite a few blogs that I will visit regularly and made some new connections. I'm already looking forward to next year!

Are You There You God? It's Me Margaret. by Judy Blume

We must, we must, we must increase our bust!  This is the response I got from several of my girlfriends when I told them I was writing about this book for my first post of the A to Z Challenge!

When I first read this book, in my pre-teen years, I connected strongly with Nancy Wheeler. I was also an only child and had moved a few times in my childhood. First published in 1970, AYTGIMM was already a bit behind the times when I was reading it. I knew women didn't wear belts with their pads anymore, but that was pretty much all I knew about the subject. This book was my first real introduction to the world of puberty and the changes I could expect.

And like Nancy, I was also a late bloomer in my circle of friends. (One of my friends was having sex before I'd even gotten my first period!) I thought I was the slowest, least attractive female on the planet. But even though those times were tough, I always knew they'd change. I knew I'd catch up to everyone else eventually.

This is one of the first books that truly had an impact on my life. I can't recall how I ever got a copy, but I had it for many years and read it so many times. I'm honestly surprised I don't still have my original copy. I picked one up at a used book store recently. As I thumbed through it, reading passages here and there that are still familiar after all this years, I was struck with a sense of awe that a book could have such an impact on generations of women's lives. For that, I am eternally grateful to Judy Blume!

A to Z Challenge 2016

 

This year will be the fourth time I've tackled the A to Z Blogging Challenge. The challenge involves posting 26 blog entries in the month of April! It's one of my favorite things about blogging and I typically look forward to it all year. This year it snuck up on me. The thought occurred to me while I was in the shower last week (As in Oh sh--, it's almost April!) and I thought for a moment about skipping it this year: I usually like to prep ahead of time, I have a work trip coming up in April,etc. But when I sat with the idea of not doing the challenge, it didn't feel right. I like to choose a theme for my blogging challenges because it makes it easier for me to think of topics. In the past, my A to Z  themes have been my favorite things,  songs that move me, and last year I wrote about life lessons I've learned.

As soon as I made the conscious decision of Yes, I'm going to do the challenge this year, my idea for a theme hit me: I'll write about the books that have been significant in my life. I've been wanting to start regular posts about the books I read so this will be a great way to get on to the topic!

I only have a couple of friends who read as much as I do, and one of them happens to be a writer and the person who introduced me to the A to Z Challenge. I invited her to use the same theme and she agreed. I can't wait to compare our lists because even though we both read a TON and even swap books at times, our reading preferences vary quite a bit. We also vary greatly in our writing styles yet we do a lot of proofreading and critiquing for each other. That's part of what I love so much about books, about reading, and writing, there's something for everyone.


I hope you enjoy learning about the books that have been significant in my life. My friend's blog can be found here, so you can follow along with both of us! Keep watching for those posts to start April first! (And hopefully you'll hear something else from me in the mean time!)

Does This Blog Post Make Me Look Fat?

My friend Amber is participating in a 365 Grateful Project this year. Each day, she posts a photo to her social media of someone/thing she is grateful for that day and a little blurb about the person/thing. As we hung out one evening, she asked if she could take my photo for that day’s post. I was honored.

When I got home and logged on to Facebook, her post popped up right away. The first thing I thought was Oh God, I look so fat.

 

Here’s what she wrote: “1/14/16 - Ramona - I am so happy to have this woman as part of my tribe. She is fierce and strong and sensitive and kind. She has taught me so much in the past couple years of friendship.” That’s incredible. You wish someone would write that about you on Social Media, right? It’s wonderful. But before I could let in sink in how kind and true her words were, I sat there berating myself for a fat face, bad haircut and wide body. 

Would I ever say anything like that to one of my friends? Never. I don’t think I’d even talk like that to someone I dislike. So why do I do it to myself?

I could list all the reasons I’ve gained weight since I've retired from roller derby. Some are valid reasons, some are excuses, but I’m not going there. I’m working on accepting that yes, my body is different than it was two years ago. It’s not good or bad, it's different. It simply is. 

The thing is, I know my body is amazing. This body of mine has played roller derby, given and taken hard hits, run races, hiked to mountain peaks, skied down mountain faces. It walks my dogs every day. This body has worked many long hours on tired feet. My body has danced, laughed, cried, taken lovers. This body has hugged some of my favorite people in the whole world. My body has healed from severe illness and injury, miraculously recovered from hangovers and migraines. It displays my beautiful tattoos, houses my soul. 

All of those things are astounding. They require strength, compassion, perseverance. Why is it so difficult to remember that my body is me? It's not a separate entity to be fought against.

Now, I want to go back to Amber’s 365 Grateful post because do you see what I did? I made it about me when it isn’t at all. 

So what's the post about if not its subject? Is it about Amber? Not really. Each post is about love and connection. Most of her photos are of people and in every single one of them, that person has a big smile and is obviously feeling loved.

With each post, Amber is giving love, showing appreciation, putting it out into The Universe without asking for anything in return. Maybe the least I can do is accept that graciously. Instead of disliking my photo, I try to look at it and see what she sees.

There's a gap between perception and reality. Sometimes it's bigger than others. The way I see myself is not the way others view me but what is true?

My sweet friend has inspired me so much with her posts, and I plan to start my own 365 Grateful Project on February 1st!

Get Ready For Gratitude

Tomorrow is the last day of October. That means a few things: Halloween, candy, Daylight Savings Time ends, and then it's November. 

Your Facebook news feed will first be flooded with photos of your friends and their children (and dogs) in Halloween costumes, and then with a month's worth of status updates about what people are thankful for. 

I enjoy participating each November, posting each day about what I'm grateful for. I've written about this before. More than once. 

Over the summer, I was in a class with a woman who announced that gratitude is over rated. It took every ounce of energy I had to stay seated and not climb up on my soap box to tell that woman about everything she's missing out on!

Fortunately for me, this blog is my personal soap box! Instituting a gratitude practice changed my life. I can't emphasize that enough. Life is difficult. Some days have me in tears. If at the end of these days, I'm not grateful for a glass of wine, my hot tub and a spouse who is present, then what are these things for?

I've heard complaints about people who post negative updates all year long but are suddenly thankful every day in November. So what? Good for them! The beauty of Facebook is that it's optional. You don't have to log-on or read someone's status updates or engage with anyone. The "Unfollow" option is the greatest feature ever added, use it! And while we're on the subject, I'd like to remind you: these people are supposedly your friends. If you're not glad to see what your friend is grateful for, then maybe that person isn't truly your friend. (I'm a big advocate of frequent re-evaluation of one's friend list.)

Even if those people annoy you, even if you think it's hokey, even if you think gratitude is over rated, I challenge you to do it anyway. You don't have to post to Facebook. Just sit down once each day in November and write down three things you are thankful for that day. If you can't find three, start with one. 

If you need some more convincing, try this book: The Joy of Appreciative Living, it's one of my favorites. The facts are impossible to ignore: people who list things they are thankful for each day are genuinely happier. 

Make this November about you and your gratitude! Then please tell me about it!

I Really Don't Know What Time It Is

Two years ago, I stopped wearing a watch and replaced it with a bracelet that reads "Be Here Now.”

One of my personal resolutions over the past couple of years has been to work on being present and aware in my daily life. Far too often I found myself in the middle of a task I wasn't focused on, instead my mind was running through a ticker tape of all the stuff I need to do next. I realized I was missing out on the joy in experiences because I simply couldn't sit still and enjoy them.

On a recent evening, as my other half was considering some pre-dinner preparations, he asked me "Do we have time for this? About an hour and a half?" I looked up from what I was reading to reply "Sure. We've got all the time in the world. We're not on a schedule." With one eyebrow raised, he asked "Who is this new Ramona?"

He's justified in being surprised at my laxidazical attitude toward time. A year or two ago, I would have been stressed about the fact that it was "dinner time." For the majority of my life, I've clung to beliefs that certain things need to be done at certain times. That's how I was raised. Thanks to having a mom who always had me arrive an embarrassing thirty minutes early for any school or social function, I'd come to believe that promptness was a life or death issue. If you're going to be late, you might as well not show up at all.

As I grew up, I saw that not everyone held that belief as firmly as my mother and I did. Sure, it's understood that one should try to be on time for a commitment but that's generally about as far as it goes. I had professors who were always late, then worked for bosses who couldn’t show up on time. There was a time when I thought less of those people; You expect me to be on time but you can't be? I begrudgingly thought to myself. I started to realize that actually no, those people didn't put any expectations on me, I was putting them on myself. Sure, you can't be chronically late to work or there are consequences (usually) but occasionally, it happens. The alarm doesn't go off (or-gasp-you fall asleep without setting it), you get stuck in traffic or the roads are icy or any number of  hinderances that lurk between Point A and Point B. Still, I held tightly to my belief that I  had to be on time and if the people around me cared about me and my selves, they would be on time too.

Then I moved to Montana.

On multiple occasions, I've gotten behind a car with a bumper sticker that asks "Did you move here to be in a hurry?" Well...I guess the answer is no...

Montana slowed me down. A lot. Maybe it's the open space and the long distances between towns. Maybe it's the mountains, the fresh air, and/or the outdoorsy lifestyles but people who live in Montana have a different energy than people in the rest of the country. 

I moved to Bozeman eight years ago, after living in the Raleigh-Durham area of North Carolina for close to a decade. I liked it there but headed West after my divroce, in search of a fresh start closer to my personal support system. After only a couple of weeks in my new home, it occurred to me just now welcome my lifestyle change was; No more daily commutes on the belt line in rush hour traffic, no hour long waits at the grocery store check out, and I felt safe walking my dog alone in the evenings.

My “Be Here Now” bracelet was custom made for me by a roller derby teammate who is a metal smith. The one I wear now is actually the second version because I wore the first one so much that it broke in half! My sweet friend made my second bracelet out of a stronger metal after taking measurements and other efforts to make sure this one would last me a long time. 

I glance at my bracelet when I need reassurance. When I’m feeling anxious, or rushed or uncomfortable, I look at the blocky letters to remind me to take a deep breath (I’m considering getting a second bracelet that reads “Just Breathe”) and stay with whatever situation and emotion I’m facing. 

Even after two years, I still occasionally look at my wrist when I want to know what time it is. It’s still a reflex after decades of wearing a watch, I suppose. And while there are certainly times when I genuinely do need to know what time it is, I’ve realized most of the time it doesn’t actually matter. And when it does matter, like for work, there's a clock I can look at, or I can always check my phone.

The result of my lacking a time piece constantly attached to my body is that I now “run behind” more than I ever have in my life. *GASP* And I’m still alive, still cruising along just fine. 

Sure, it’s stressful to me at times. I still believe that being on time proves your dedication to the task at hand and I don’t want to be late. But sometimes it happens. It doesn’t make me a bad person. It doesn’t mean I’m giving the finger to the person I’m supposed to meet. Sometimes I just don’t get there exactly when I said I would. 

I’ve come to realize I was a slave to time for the majority of my life. Now, I’m likely to text a friend to say I’m running behind or ask to push dinner back by 30 minutes so I’m not rushing around like a maniac. 

I’ve learned that my time is valuable and precious. I’ve only got so much of it each day. I want to enjoy what I’m doing when I’m doing it and spend less time in the future or the past. 

How do you feel about time? Do you wear a watch? If so why or why not. I’d love to know!

F is for Friendship

My shadow and my bestie's, out for a hike.

As an only child, I learned the value of friends at an early age. Without any siblings or cousins, I was "stuck" with my mother's friend's children, who were mostly boys a few years older than me. Sometimes they humored me and played Barbies, but when I went to school and had friends who were girls who liked the same things I did, I noticed! 

As I've gotten older, I've learned that what makes a friendship special is more about what it isn't than what it is. 

True friendship does not mean obligation. It means not worrying about how clean my house is (or isn't!) when she comes over. 

True friendship means not being afraid to ask for anything: someone to pick me up from a doctor's appointment, to curl my hair, to lend me a skirt, to help me move, to ___________(fill in the blank with anything!)

True friendship is like true love. It is true love, in its own form. There is no judgement, no jealousy, no "I told you so."

I don't mean to brag but I have a lot of friends. I've lived many different places and thanks to Facebook, I've been able to reconnect with a bunch of awesome human beings I would have lost track of otherwise. Earlier this year, I visited two different friends I hadn't seen in 20 years and with both of them it felt like no time had passed at all. 

I wouldn't be who I am without my friends. They've done and been everything for me that siblings would. I want to say that the difference is I get to pick my friends but that's only true to a certain extent. Sure I choose who I hang out with but there's a point where the friendship bond form and is unbreakable. Not all my friendships reach that point but a few have and I wouldn't do a thing to change it!

It's Better To Give And Receive

I know the saying goes "It's better to give than to receive" but after the Christmas holiday I experienced this week, I'm not entirely convinced it's true. Now I'm not coming from a selfish place here, I'm just saying I can't see how one can be better than the other because they're so tightly entwined, especially at Christmas time.

I enjoy giving presents. I truly do. I love it when I come across something, maybe at a yard sale or thrift store, that I know would be appreciated by someone I know. To give an unexpected gift, no matter how small, is always fun. Birthdays are my favorite holiday because it's a chance for each person to be acknowledged for how awesome they are separate from anything else. As the Christmas season approached this year, my biggest stressor was the fact that our household income was not near what it was the past few years so we simply couldn't afford the type of Christmas we've had previously. I had myself convinced that Christmas was going to be horrible because I couldn't afford fancy gifts and I might not be able to reciprocate to everyone who gave me something.

I'm not exactly sure when things changed for me, but gradually my mindset shifted. I'm sure it has a lot to do with having an incredibly patient and supportive partner who reminds me on a regular basis that everything is going to be okay! In our families, tradition is you make a list of what you want and people buy your gifts from it. You might get something small that wasn't on the list and you probably won't get everything that was on it but for the most part, you get what you ask for. When it came time to make a list this year, I found that the things I wanted were much different than previous years. Last year I had an iPad on my list and the year before that a Kindle. This year I asked for the specific mechanical pencils and notebooks I write with, for lavender lotion and bath salts, for a thesaurus, a book light, a travel mug. When I was working full time, these are things that I would go out and buy whenever I needed them but they aren't necessities. When I unwrapped these items I was thrilled, even though I suspected I'd be getting them. I'd been using the same brand of lavender lotion on my face every night at bedtime for over two years but I ran out a few months ago and didn't buy more because it's over $10 a bottle and I don't really need it. When I received not one but two bottles of it, it was even better than I had imagined! "Yahoo! This is going to last forever!", I exclaimed. My boyfriend's brother, who has his own soap making business, gave me homemade lavender and peppermint soaps in a variety of shapes, sizes and colors. After I'd piled it all into a box, I looked at it and happily thought "I'm not going to have to buy soap for years". To take away a burden of having to buy something or to know I'm not going to run out of items I like to have, those things are truly gifts. I know that a year ago I would have appreciated receiving these items, but not in the same way that I have now.

The same thing went for giving. I like to think I'm a thoughtful gift giver no matter what, but I had to put extra thought into purchasing this year. Would this person rather have one pricey gift or two smaller ones? Instead of going online and ordering everything at once, I'd buy one or two things then wait til I got another temp job and buy a couple more. For two of my family members, I enlarged and framed a special photo. The cost was minimal but the recipients were surprised and touched by the gesture. I spent an entire day baking with a friend and gave out plates and bags of homemade treats to friends I'd normally want to treat with a bottle of wine or a gift card to a favorite shop. Several of the friends had seen my FaceBook photos from the baking day and were thrilled that they were getting some of the goodies.

Some of the people I gave stuff to reciprocated but not all of them. Likewise a couple friends gave me a gift and I didn't have something in return. Although there was an initial pang of "Oh crap, I don't have anything for her!", I was able to silence it quickly. A gal in my online book club sent me a gift certificate to Amazon. She expressed her gratitude for being included in the club and having people to share and discuss books with. I sat back and received that thanks. I used it to buy a book on my Kindle that we've chosen as our January selection. I probably wouldn't have wanted to spend the money on it otherwise because I have so many books in my house that I still need to read! One of my closest friends took one of my photos from FaceBook and made a beautiful ornament that honors my dog who passed away this year. I have another friend who works for one of my favorite home town sports teams. He sent me some high quality warm weather gear emblazoned with the team logo because he knew I was in need of a new jacket. I know it took a lot of effort on his part to prepare and send a package right before Christmas. A couple of my family members even bought presents for my dogs. Honestly, my mind was blown by the thoughtfulness of my loved ones on more than one occasion this season. Looking back though I shouldn't have been surprised. I have worked hard to surround myself with kind, loving humans. They all know I've had a rough year and that I'm short on funds and they don't care.

So what was better, giving gifts to these amazing people or receiving gifts from them? I honestly can't say. I know it sounds cheesy, but just knowing these people, being around them and being loved by them, is a huge gift in itself. I care about plenty of people who I didn't exchange gifts with or even mail a greeting card to. That doesn't mean they're less significant to me. People complain about the commercialization of our holidays and I agree to a certain extent. I think there is definitely a general assumed link between the size or cost of the gift you give and the feelings you have for the recipient. I don't buy into that philosophy. My boyfriend didn't buy me expensive jewelry for Christmas. He bought me a thesaurus because he knows how important my writing is to me and a new skate tool because he knows how much I love roller derby and want to take care of my gear. Anybody can buy an expensive gift without putting much thought into it. It's a true friend who will buy an adult themed coloring book because she knows you'll think it's hilarious and color all the pages!

Choose Wisely

Last night I skated in my first roller derby bout at our home venue. For most of my friends and family, this was their first chance to see me play. I had a busy week leading up to the event and a stressful day running around getting everything done so I could be in the locker room on time. The game was awesome. I had a ton of fun playing and enjoying the after party. I crashed into bed last night with a beer buzz, feeling exhausted and thrilled with the experience.

As I drank my coffee this morning (and stretched my sore muscles), I scrolled through photos from last night. Most of the ones on my camera were taken by my boyfriend's sister and there were a bunch on FaceBook already, posted by friends and teammates. As I took in all the images, I was struck by great feelings of love and gratitude for all these amazing people who are in my life. My teammates have supported me and cheered me on when I was feeling low and ready to quit. My boyfriend and his sister dressed up for the Kentucky Derby theme so they could sit in the front row. A friend I went to high school with is pregnant, yet she drove two hours each way to volunteer because we were short handed. Friends who I didn't expect to show were in line at the end, giving my whole team high fives. Even my life coach was there! To say that roller derby has changed my life is an understatement, so to see all these people come together to support me and celebrate was incredible. There was so much happening at once last night, that it wasn't until I was alone with my thoughts this morning that I realized how amazing it was.

One of the most important things I've learned as an adult is that I can choose who I allow into my life and who I don't. It took me until I was thirty to figure it out but once I did, my quality of life improved immensely. When I first moved to Montana I didn't know many people and I made one close friend. Long story short, in less than two years I figured out she wasn't a good person and I didn't really want her as a friend any more. I'll admit I probably didn't handle the situation in the best possible way, but I did what I thought was right at the time to make a clean break. I was lonely as hell for a while. Then, I reached out to some acquaintances I had always admired. Going forward, I made the choice to associate with people who I felt were well intentioned and would support me in my journey.

Sometimes a person turns out to be different than what I originally thought. Or a situation arises that stresses someone and they show their true self and it isn't pleasant. This has happened to me a few times over the years and I find myself at a crossroads: do I continue a relationship with someone or choose a life without them? It isn't ever easy but the older I get, the better I know myself and what I want from the people I share my life with. Now that I find myself with an extraordinary partner and friends who are funny, positive and supportive. Sometimes, like last night, I am amazed to see all of these people together having fun. It makes me feel good to know that I created this support system and contribute to it. In turn we are all providing for and supporting each other, enriching each others lives.

Write It Down

          Today I did something that's been on my mental to do list for about a year; I wrote a letter to a friend I've fallen out of touch with. Yes, I wrote an honest to goodness letter by hand. I even had to dig through my desk to find my official writing tablet. It felt good. It reminded me of when I was in high school and moved out of state, my friends and I wrote long letters back and forth for years. Then came email and the internet with all of it's mixed blessings. I'm thankful for social media because I'm in touch with many awesome people I wouldn't know anymore otherwise. But sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the over sharing that occurs on FaceBook and Twitter. Although the recipient of the letter is my friend on FaceBook, I knew a hand written letter was the way to go to properly express my feelings. It's gotten me thinking about who else might appreciate a handwritten note (my mother for sure!). 

Take A Picture

I have a tendency to think about my past and focus on the mistakes I’ve made or things I’m sorry about. It’s a habit I’m constantly trying to kick. Today I was scrolling through photos and I thought “Gosh, I’ve done some pretty neat stuff”.

None of those photos are of a bad memory. Sure, there are some people in those photos who aren’t in my life any more but at the time each picture was taken, we were happy. And even thought I might not have good feelings for that person anymore, I find a little comfort in remembering that I did at one time. It’s a nice reminder that everyone comes into our lives for a reason. Of course there are many people who show up in my photos over & over and I’m still close to. I appreciate these people even more when I look at everything we’ve done together.  And when I scroll through pictures of myself to see how much I’ve changed and all the places I’ve been, it renews my faith in myself and inspires me to be thankful for everything I have right now and keep truckin' through the tough stuff.