Wednesday, April 22, 2015
S is for Sex
I vacillated between whether or not I should go with this topic for my S post. I don't want to offend any A to Z participants, or break any of the rules. I had other ideas for S subjects: self care, social media, stress, solitude. I certainly could write about those things, but when I looked at my list of S words, I kept coming back to sex. (If you know me well, I'm sure that line mad you chuckle!) When I think about all those other words, I don't see one that holds as many life lessons for me as the subject of sex.
If I have to sum it all up into one, my life lesson when it comes to sex is this: It is totally okay to be a woman who likes sex. It's nothing to be ashamed of and there are healthy, positive ways to go about it!
My mother discovered I had lost my virginity by doing some snooping. I was a senior in high school at the time, less than a month away from graduation. She got mad at me, I was grounded. There was never an explanation other than I was young and shouldn't have done it. Maybe this is why I developed a sense of shame around sex that lasted through my marriage. It wasn't until I was divorced and approaching thirty that my attitude changed.
I've taken a lot of slack for being a gal who admits she's looking to get laid on occasion. I've been called names and judged by others. I'll admit I've made some poor choices in this arena, but not only do all my experiences make me who I am, I also know that my sexual confidence contributes to me being an honest, loving partner in my current relationship.
I am not advocating promiscuity here. Not at all. I just think there is a double standard in our society when it comes to attitudes about sex and gender. A guy who has a lot of sexual partners is a stud but a girl who does is a slut. It isn't fair! I believe there are ways to talk and teach about sex that advocate healthy relationships and sexual behaviors without shaming.
I also think it's extremely important for women to talk to each other about sex. Keeping all your secrets to yourself perpetuates that air of shame. If I didn't have friends who I could vent to and ask personal questions, I wouldn't be writing this post!