Divorce Song by Liz Phair

This is one of the few songs that has played a big role in my life but I don't particularly enjoy listening to any more. In fact, I listened to it several times to write this piece and it makes me a little sweaty and nauseous. I was a Liz Phair fan before I stumbled onto this song although I can't remember exactly how I discovered it. I had recently separated from my husband and was confined to the house I was sharing with roommates due to a broken foot. I know when I first heard the lyrics I thought I was imagining them because they applied so perfectly to my feelings at the time. Since I couldn't drive because of my walking boot, my ex had to drive me to and from the appointments with our divorce attorney. You want to talk about an awkward car ride? We had a couple of those! When he dropped me off after one of the meetings, I made him come inside and listen to this song. "Can you believe this song exists?" I exclaimed. "It's like it was written just for me!" I don't think he appreciated it to quite the degree I did... 

There's a line near the end that goes "And the license said you had to stick around until I was dead. But if you're tired of of looking at my face I guess I already am".  It's strange to look at that now and know I felt it so absolutely back then but I did. I thought my life was over. I didn't know how I was going to go on without that man in my life. This song helped me through that. Look at Liz Phair, I thought, She made it through a divorce and she's a bad ass. I can do this! 

It took me a long time to recover but I did. It was one of the first experiences in my adult life that showed me I was capable of something I didn't think was possible. When I listen to this song now it brings back some of the feelings I had at the time and I can barely recognize myself as the same woman I was then. I don't know that I'll ever say I'm glad I got a divorce but I can say I'm grateful for all the things I learned from the experience.