Monday, April 7, 2014

The Fixer by Pearl Jam

I'm a fixer but not in the literal sense. I think I was trained since a young age, and so over and over again I have attracted people/relationships that have benefited from my natural ability and desire to improve any given situation and make the other person feel better. Over the past couple of years I've taken huge steps in my life to change my habits and my personal story but it's not always easy. 

I don't think I'd ever thought of myself this way before this song came out, in 2009. I hadn't even heard of the song until late that year when a close friend, who I'd known for 10 years, emailed me the video and wrote "As soon as I saw this I thought of you." At first I was like What's that supposed to mean? and then I listened to the song and said Woah that is me! It was the early beginnings of me becoming aware of myself in a whole new way. This just happened to be shortly after I'd been dumped by a guy who I was definitely trying to fix, which was the situation that prompted me to start seeing a counselor and truly changed my attitude toward life. 

I love this song, it really fires me up.  I've been a Pearl Jam fan for 20 years so I was disappointed they didn't play this one when I finally got to see them in concert last fall.  I'm probably always going to be a fixer, or have that urge somewhere inside me. What I've learned to do is to remind myself that I don't need to take on the responsibilities of others, and I only have to focus on what's immediately affecting me. When I care for myself first, I'm actually doing a bigger service for my loved ones because then I'm happier, healthier and more fun to be around. In the long run this leaves less that anybody should need to fix! 

1 comment:

  1. Hi, I'm Candice, and I'm a (former) fixer..
    ok maybe i still am.. *shrug*